God I'm hungry (and it's not quite lunchtime), which reminds me I haven't blogged yet about this week's Apprentice. The crisps task, eh? Or How To Succeed Where No Other British Crisp Manufacturer Has. Easy peasy for the boys and girls of The Apprentice, given their top-level business acumen, fantastic client management skills and all-round fabulosity (hey! A Melissa word...). Hmm. Lord Sugar has whittled the contestants down to the final eight, and if this task hasn't put them off, nothing will. So, the brief: design some new flavours of crisps, get them made, take them to Hamburg and flog them to the Germans. Okay, sounds simple enough. Unless you don't know the first thing about making crisps, which we can safely assume they didn't. Stella's team went straight in for the "Classic British" theme, coming up with roast dinner flavour and the more dodgy sounding stilton and paprika. Stilton and PAPRIKA? WHY? At least it's different, I suppose. Chris's team decided to work on traditional German flavours.... again, WHY? Surely in Germany they already HAVE German style crisps, and don't need a bunch of Brits coming over to sell them some more. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, Christopher and Jamie fell in love with a sausage and curry fast food snack, and off they went to make the crisps to match. Yuck.
Highlights of the episode included: Christopher's revelation that he hates Germany and Germans, with no reason given (or if there was it was deemed unbroadcastable), Laura's sulking and stropping (especially when told she spoke waaaay too fast) and Baggsy's sheer brilliance at being able to count to 20 in German. Something my 13 year old son can do, and HE doesn't act like he has the genius of Stephen Hawking. My son was watching with me as it happens, and he wasn't impressed. But then, he is never impressed by anyone on the show, to be honest. It was painfully obvious, really, that Stella's team was going to win. Not only were their flavours, well, edible, but they made some good pitches and got in there first. Chris's team made a MASSIVE mistake when they were offered a 9am appointment at The Marriott but Christopher and Jamie changed it to 1pm and guess what? - Stella and Joanna have already been there and walked away with a sizeable order. Didn't see THAT one coming... As Jamie would say, "the early bird catches the birm", or something like that.
Chris, panicking now he was set for the boardroom for the umpteenth time, dragged Christopher and Jamie along for the ride. I must admit, I don't like that Christopher much (the slimeball), but did feel a bit sorry for him when he was fired. Chris and Jamie managed to wriggle their respective ways out of an elbowing, whilst poor Christopher couldn't sweet talk Lord Sugar over, being told that although he was a hard grafter, he just wasn't "entrepreneurial enough". Hmm. One suspects that what Lord Sugar meant was, doesn't talk rubbish enough. It seems to be the way forward, don't you think? Although Lord S has often decried the verbose, he seems to like them, really. Maybe there's a moral in this tale, you know. Or even two. One - don't sell German crisps to Germans... they already HAVE them. Two - Hard work is all very well, but if you can't talk the talk, walking the walk ain't going to get you far. And there's a third - Counting to 20 in German does NOT make you a brainiac.
Friday 26 November 2010
Friday 19 November 2010
The Great Escape... and a Royal Wedding!
Quel surprise, I watched The Apprentice this week. Well, watched isn't truly accurate - I was scoffing chocolate and (lots of) wine whilst it happened to be on in the background - so forgive my fuzziness...
So, Sandeesh finally got the chance to be PM, as did our perennial favourite prat, Baggsy. Would this be Sandeesh's chance to finally show Lord Sugar what she's capable of. Sadly, no. Would this be Stuart's chance to finally show us that he's not just a mouthy arrogant plonker? Sadly, no.. but for the entertainment factor, he just can't be beaten. The teams were sent to Pinewood Studios ("What? The furniture store?" asks Sandeesh....) to choose a backdrop for their next task - enticing children to fake race fake cars against said backdrop to produce dvds for their proud parents to spend a tenner on. Off to Westfield Shopping Centre next, to set up for the task and get going with the moneymaking. Long story short - Baggs irritated the hell out of everyone on his team (as well as some of the doting parents who bought the dvd, when asked to pay £12 rather than the £10 previously quoted), Sandeesh seemed to DO something this week rather than just moaning, and all the kids had a great time! I couldn't for the life of me ascertain if Mr Baggs actually did anything in the task, or just left the others to crack on with it while he ponced around flapping his big mouth - by this time I was merrily opening another bottle. Anyway, crunch time came and - to my shock - the Baggs Brand had won the profit wars by a very small margin. So, into the boardroom again for poor old Sandeesh. And this time, after wheedling her way past The Sugar twice before, she was finally sent home, the only time she did ANYTHING! Chris and Liz tore all her arguments apart, and Lord Sugar did what he seemed to be putting off all series - got rid of the huge-eyed madam. Back in the house, the victory of Sturat's team didn't seem to be resonating with happiness... nobody seemed to think he had deserved the win. Especially not Stella, his team-mate, who told him point blank that the other team should have won. Ouch. Can't wait for next week... who needs competition from the other team when your own don't even like you? Oh Baggsy, your brand isn't working for me...
Moving on, whilst Lord Sugar has been firing recruits this week, the Royal Family are hiring. Prince William and Kate Middleton have (finally) announced their engagement and a wedding is planned for spring/summer next year. How exciting! Opinions seem to be split on this - people are either 100% behind what promises to be an all-out meringue fest, or resentful that "our" tax money will be spent on the outdated principle of monarchy. Jeez, can't everyone just be happy for them? Yes, we will end up paying out for the wedding, but what a treat it will be for all the family (especially if we get the day off work/school)! I remember Charles and Di's wedding as one of the most exciting days I had when I was 5. We all sat together and watched the visual display (on the telly, obviously, we weren't invited for real) and I had my first ever taste of babycham... setting the stage for an addiction to sparkly drinks. I blame my parents. And, importantly for the economy, the royal wedding will bring additional ££££££££££££ into the country (in excess of £1billion, with £750m from tourism alone). Sales of wine and champagne are set to soar, with people celebrating in their own homes and having parties - I might have a little one of my own. Or I could just keep the champers for myself. And what better for the country in these uncertain times than something to look forward to celebrating, the marriage of our future king. Whilst it's all very exciting (at least to me!), I wouldn't fancy being that Kate Middleton. In-laws are bad enough at the best of times, but marrying into the Royal Family must be a challenge of nightmarish proportions. Look at poor old Di, she was famously unhappy with the whole bally lot of 'em. Being recruited into the Windsor clan must be almost as bad as being hired by Lord Sugar.
Maybe being fired is a great escape after all...
So, Sandeesh finally got the chance to be PM, as did our perennial favourite prat, Baggsy. Would this be Sandeesh's chance to finally show Lord Sugar what she's capable of. Sadly, no. Would this be Stuart's chance to finally show us that he's not just a mouthy arrogant plonker? Sadly, no.. but for the entertainment factor, he just can't be beaten. The teams were sent to Pinewood Studios ("What? The furniture store?" asks Sandeesh....) to choose a backdrop for their next task - enticing children to fake race fake cars against said backdrop to produce dvds for their proud parents to spend a tenner on. Off to Westfield Shopping Centre next, to set up for the task and get going with the moneymaking. Long story short - Baggs irritated the hell out of everyone on his team (as well as some of the doting parents who bought the dvd, when asked to pay £12 rather than the £10 previously quoted), Sandeesh seemed to DO something this week rather than just moaning, and all the kids had a great time! I couldn't for the life of me ascertain if Mr Baggs actually did anything in the task, or just left the others to crack on with it while he ponced around flapping his big mouth - by this time I was merrily opening another bottle. Anyway, crunch time came and - to my shock - the Baggs Brand had won the profit wars by a very small margin. So, into the boardroom again for poor old Sandeesh. And this time, after wheedling her way past The Sugar twice before, she was finally sent home, the only time she did ANYTHING! Chris and Liz tore all her arguments apart, and Lord Sugar did what he seemed to be putting off all series - got rid of the huge-eyed madam. Back in the house, the victory of Sturat's team didn't seem to be resonating with happiness... nobody seemed to think he had deserved the win. Especially not Stella, his team-mate, who told him point blank that the other team should have won. Ouch. Can't wait for next week... who needs competition from the other team when your own don't even like you? Oh Baggsy, your brand isn't working for me...
Moving on, whilst Lord Sugar has been firing recruits this week, the Royal Family are hiring. Prince William and Kate Middleton have (finally) announced their engagement and a wedding is planned for spring/summer next year. How exciting! Opinions seem to be split on this - people are either 100% behind what promises to be an all-out meringue fest, or resentful that "our" tax money will be spent on the outdated principle of monarchy. Jeez, can't everyone just be happy for them? Yes, we will end up paying out for the wedding, but what a treat it will be for all the family (especially if we get the day off work/school)! I remember Charles and Di's wedding as one of the most exciting days I had when I was 5. We all sat together and watched the visual display (on the telly, obviously, we weren't invited for real) and I had my first ever taste of babycham... setting the stage for an addiction to sparkly drinks. I blame my parents. And, importantly for the economy, the royal wedding will bring additional ££££££££££££ into the country (in excess of £1billion, with £750m from tourism alone). Sales of wine and champagne are set to soar, with people celebrating in their own homes and having parties - I might have a little one of my own. Or I could just keep the champers for myself. And what better for the country in these uncertain times than something to look forward to celebrating, the marriage of our future king. Whilst it's all very exciting (at least to me!), I wouldn't fancy being that Kate Middleton. In-laws are bad enough at the best of times, but marrying into the Royal Family must be a challenge of nightmarish proportions. Look at poor old Di, she was famously unhappy with the whole bally lot of 'em. Being recruited into the Windsor clan must be almost as bad as being hired by Lord Sugar.
Maybe being fired is a great escape after all...
Friday 5 November 2010
Hold the recycled clothes and hold your tongues...
God I love The Apprentice. It makes me feel better about myself - I look like a paragon of competence next to some of these muppets. The contestants muddle their way through from task to task, messing up, moaning and bitching their way along the path to the boardroom. Mistakes pile up by the dozen, and this week was no exception.
Now, I love fashion (like most of us girls out there), so was interested to see what would happen when the teams were tasked with setting up a one day boutique in Manchester's Trafford centre. I am by no means a fashionista, but I like to think I know what makes a good outfit... unlike some of our erstwhile contenders. And I absolutely loved the sparkly, blinging party dresses that Synergy managed to blag - not surprisingly, given their enthusiasm for the clothes in comparison with Apollo's po-faced silence when confronted with the rail of beauties. So we had some WAG-ready LBDs and sequined frocks, brilliant, and brilliantly pitched for by Liz. Paloma managed to secure some "recycled" garments... clothes made out of old suits and ties, sold at extortionate prices for something that looked like a tramp had robbed a charity shop and taken a pair of scissors to fashion himself an outfit or two. Yuck.
Anyway, the shops were opened the next day, ready for some sales - proper sales, not like last week's Baby Glows and showerhead sales which all turned out to be fake, oops sorry, hypothetical. Alex (you know, the one resembling a goblin), self-proclaimed expert on the Trafford Centre geography, messed up by choosing a promotional pitch too far away from the shop, but redeemed himself by securing a short advert which was played on the big screen in the centre every fifteen minutes. The WAG dresses were flying off the shelves, Paloma and Alex were rowing about the placement of clothes rails, nobody wanted to buy the hooded waistcoats made out of old M&S suits, and Stella was sat in her boutique's window clad in a green sparkly dress, prompting Nick to compare her to an Amsterdam prozzie. Nice.
It was slightly predictable that Synergy would win the task, but impressively Apollo were only £500 behind. If only Chris had been able to sell another couple of the hideous tie dresses. And wasn't the final showdown a humdinger? Not surprisingly, Paloma dragged Alex (who she had already hinted at being to blame for the failure of the task) into the boardroom... but also Sandeesh, claiming she was overall a "weaker candidate". Interesting tactics. But ones that seemed they might work, despite Lord Sugar's initial disapporoval. It was all going so well, with Alex and Paloma snapping at each other like grouchy poodles, Paloma driving the point home that Alex failed at the pitch location task, and Alex reiterating that his advertising brainwave had more than made up for it. Paloma even told Alex that everyone else on the team found him irritating - really? Can't imagine why... now I think about it, maybe he's more like a bulldog than a goblin. Anyhoo, things were really kicking off about now, but with Paloma holding her own so well, and Lord Sugar starting to consider his point about Sandeesh being a useless waste of space, it seemed that she would live to fight (and I mean literally fight, that girl is scary) another day. And then she started laying into all and sundry, giving Alex and Sandeesh an real ear battering, and Alan just lost the plot at that point.
Paloma was fired, and it couldn't have happened to a nastier person. She made Melissa look like Mother Theresa, for God's sake. She may have had all the business savvy in the world, all the commercial experience and team leading skills, whatever ... but she hadn't learnt the most important rule of the boardroom - when to keep quiet. As Lord Sugar pointed out, she'd talked herself out of staying on. Nobody wants to work with an aggressive cow like that, after all. Poor little Alex looked like he'd faint with relief when told he was staying on, and Sandeesh had dodged the bullet again. I think it's all too easy to keep on talking when the moment has passed, and talk ourselves out of something we want, especially when we let personal opinions (Paloma's seeming hatred for Alex for example) get in the way of our ambition, intent and focus. She deserved to go, that's for sure. And the lesson learned from this? Shut up and put up, at least for the short term, if it helps you get what you want. I just wish I could get this across to my kids. I could always set an example for them, I suppose, but short of a tongue amputation, I can't see that working...
Now, I love fashion (like most of us girls out there), so was interested to see what would happen when the teams were tasked with setting up a one day boutique in Manchester's Trafford centre. I am by no means a fashionista, but I like to think I know what makes a good outfit... unlike some of our erstwhile contenders. And I absolutely loved the sparkly, blinging party dresses that Synergy managed to blag - not surprisingly, given their enthusiasm for the clothes in comparison with Apollo's po-faced silence when confronted with the rail of beauties. So we had some WAG-ready LBDs and sequined frocks, brilliant, and brilliantly pitched for by Liz. Paloma managed to secure some "recycled" garments... clothes made out of old suits and ties, sold at extortionate prices for something that looked like a tramp had robbed a charity shop and taken a pair of scissors to fashion himself an outfit or two. Yuck.
Anyway, the shops were opened the next day, ready for some sales - proper sales, not like last week's Baby Glows and showerhead sales which all turned out to be fake, oops sorry, hypothetical. Alex (you know, the one resembling a goblin), self-proclaimed expert on the Trafford Centre geography, messed up by choosing a promotional pitch too far away from the shop, but redeemed himself by securing a short advert which was played on the big screen in the centre every fifteen minutes. The WAG dresses were flying off the shelves, Paloma and Alex were rowing about the placement of clothes rails, nobody wanted to buy the hooded waistcoats made out of old M&S suits, and Stella was sat in her boutique's window clad in a green sparkly dress, prompting Nick to compare her to an Amsterdam prozzie. Nice.
It was slightly predictable that Synergy would win the task, but impressively Apollo were only £500 behind. If only Chris had been able to sell another couple of the hideous tie dresses. And wasn't the final showdown a humdinger? Not surprisingly, Paloma dragged Alex (who she had already hinted at being to blame for the failure of the task) into the boardroom... but also Sandeesh, claiming she was overall a "weaker candidate". Interesting tactics. But ones that seemed they might work, despite Lord Sugar's initial disapporoval. It was all going so well, with Alex and Paloma snapping at each other like grouchy poodles, Paloma driving the point home that Alex failed at the pitch location task, and Alex reiterating that his advertising brainwave had more than made up for it. Paloma even told Alex that everyone else on the team found him irritating - really? Can't imagine why... now I think about it, maybe he's more like a bulldog than a goblin. Anyhoo, things were really kicking off about now, but with Paloma holding her own so well, and Lord Sugar starting to consider his point about Sandeesh being a useless waste of space, it seemed that she would live to fight (and I mean literally fight, that girl is scary) another day. And then she started laying into all and sundry, giving Alex and Sandeesh an real ear battering, and Alan just lost the plot at that point.
Paloma was fired, and it couldn't have happened to a nastier person. She made Melissa look like Mother Theresa, for God's sake. She may have had all the business savvy in the world, all the commercial experience and team leading skills, whatever ... but she hadn't learnt the most important rule of the boardroom - when to keep quiet. As Lord Sugar pointed out, she'd talked herself out of staying on. Nobody wants to work with an aggressive cow like that, after all. Poor little Alex looked like he'd faint with relief when told he was staying on, and Sandeesh had dodged the bullet again. I think it's all too easy to keep on talking when the moment has passed, and talk ourselves out of something we want, especially when we let personal opinions (Paloma's seeming hatred for Alex for example) get in the way of our ambition, intent and focus. She deserved to go, that's for sure. And the lesson learned from this? Shut up and put up, at least for the short term, if it helps you get what you want. I just wish I could get this across to my kids. I could always set an example for them, I suppose, but short of a tongue amputation, I can't see that working...
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