You're Hired! And that's Snow joke...

Well, I can't say I was surprised to see Stella romp to victory in the grand final of The Apprentice - I think nobody was, really. I rather enjoyed the episode. Not as exciting as Saturday's Strictly final, obviously, but still a jolly good hour spent in front of the box. The fired contestants were hauled in to help, and did with a good grace and some competent work. Baggsy's absence (along with Sandeesh's, Laura's and that other woman, what's her name?) was duly noted. Could he genuinely not make it, or was he sulking? I suspect the latter. Anyhow, the alcohol creation and branding was a resounding success, for Chris as well as Stella, and I think it was Stella's performance overall that clinched her success, rather than this week's task being an influencing factor. Didn't she do well?

So we reached the end of the drawn-out recruitment process that is The Apprentice. How Lord Sugar manages to keep interested in setting dubious and improbable tasks for that long is a feat worth mentioning... although his fee probably helps. As recruiters, it was interesting to see just how the candidates acted, and performed, in their quest to land their dream job. We saw them sell, pitch, squabble, lie and create in equal measure, in order to fight off the competition and win the contest. One wonders if the winning is more important than the prize - I for one wouldn't fancy working for Lord Sugar, no matter what six figure salary he offers - and whether it has been an anti-climax for Stella now she is in the job. Although some of the tasks seem a little... well... fabricated beyond all reason, they do serve a purpose - to let us see just what the contestants are made of. To separate the boys from the men, as it were. Skills such as leadership, sales prowess, presentation, branding and commonsense were all put under the microscope for us to see and judge. That's the fun, right? Judging the bunch of them. Wasn't it great to see them fail miserably whilst we sat smugly in front of the telly, knowing that we could have done it properly? Wasn't it fab to see them fall flat on their faces and then try to brazen it out in the boardroom whilst their fellow teammates ripped them to shreds and Lord Sugar just sat there, thinking "Loser!"? Whilst there were some there that we (I) loved to hate (Melissa, Alex, Sandeesh), you can't help but admire them - at least they had the guts to take on the tasks and give it a go. Bravo, wannabes! And now it's all over, like Strictly and The X Factor, at least for another year. Maybe next year The Apprentice auditions could be televised, like The X Factor, to give us a few more laughs... I for one would love to see THAT!

Whilst all's good for Stella, for the rest of us the snow has been causing chaos. I have been lucky to be able to even get up my hill, thanks to the efforts of several chaps in our street who worked tirelessly to dig out and grit the road. So no excuses for me not to get to work! Whilst I know that there are plenty out there who genuinely can't make it into the office because of the snow, ice and travel disruption, I suspect there are plenty more who have been using it as a convenient excuse not to leave their nice warm homes. Having been dragged out of my lovely bed to do the school run anyway, it makes no odds to me to come in. Keeps me out of trouble, and anyway, I get to sit next to a wonderful little heater all day. Last time it snowed, earlier this year, there was a distinct lack of post wending its way through to me. This time, however, all the Christmas cards, parcels and (unfortunately) bills have managed to find their way through the snow - and are even arriving earlier than usual! It hasn't stopped certain companies from blaming Royal Mail for not delivering... Two department stores, when asked why items were not ready to be picked up, blamed the Royal Mail for not making deliveries. This sounds a bit suspect, especially as we all seem to be receiving our post (and parcels) as normal. Come on, big names, stop shifting the blame. It seems that someone, somewhere, isn't doing their job...

And that's all folks... I am winding down for the holidays, the kids finish school today, and I am looking forward to a nice long rest (Star Wars lego building antics aside). All that remains for me to do is to raise a glass of Urbon, wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and I'll be back in 2011 for your delectation!

Bye Bye Baggsy (and Jamie and Jo)

Wasn't it good? Wasn't it fine? Oh how I loved Baggsy's face in the boardroom when he realised that Lord Sugar had finally realised - weeks later than the rest of us did - that he was, as LS so charmingly put it, "full of !@$*...

There isn't really much to say about this week's instalment - I am saving everything up for the eagerly anticipated final -except that it didn't come as a surprise to anyone, I think, to see Stella up there in the top two. Chris, for me, was a proper dark horse though, pipping other previous favourites to the post in the end.

I do have to mention, though, the utterly repellent interviews (and interviewers). Who the heck interviews in such an aggressive, invasive and downright insulting way any more? These interviews couldn't be further removed from real life interviews... or at least I hope they are... I thought this type of inquisition went out with the Spanish one, but Lord Sugar's evil minions seem to revel in making candidates squirm. Although I couldn't help but chuckle when Baggs greeted Margaret by her first name and was firmly put in his place (the gutter). It's natural to be nervous of interviews, but if they really are as bad as all this, nobody would ever apply for a job! Nowadays, interviews tend to be less interrogative and more competency based, with an emphasis on the positive rather than looking for ways to call your candidate a liar or a blagger... as funny as it is to witness.

And so, I wait with baited breath for the final of what has proven to be, again, a rather enjoyable series. I particularly love the way the fired contestants get brought back in to help the finalists - with all the sour grapes they can muster. Come Sunday evening, I'm going to curled up on the sofa in my dressing gown, glass of wine in my hand, laughing my head off... because I don't really care who wins, just bring on the carnage...

Well, wasn't this week's Apprentice a shocker?

Sent off to set up and run a London tour company, the remaining six contestants toddled off in their usual inimitable style to argue, negotiate and muck up their way through their day on the open-top buses.With Stuart leading Team Apollo, it was always on the cards that this one would be entertaining. Apollo decided to do a "Cockney" tour, whilst Synergy opted for a Horror tour of London. Highlights of the episode included Liz alienating a couple of jellied eel sellers by asking them to speak Cockney to their clients, Stella and Jamie's fantastic singalong sessions on their respective buses and the near punch up between Baggsy and Chris. How Christ resisted smacking Baggs the Brand in his cakehole, goodness only knows. He's a stronger man than I. The swearing that ensued from Baggsy's attempts to steal Chris's' customers was enough to make me blush (well, I may be exaggerating a BIT...), but it gave me a jolly good laugh. Things looked pretty shaky for Synergy for a while, after Chris kindly agreed to give the Tourist Centre 20% of all revenue for their assistance in selling tickets - a fact which Jo was horrifed to discover and went hell for leather trying to backtrack on the deal (being called "unprofessional" in the process) - but in the end they made the most money and walked away to victory.

With only three remaining in Apollo, obviously all of them would make it into the boardroom for the final verdict on who shouls stay and who should go - but what happened next was, to say the least, a bit of a shocker. After the usual shenanigans, slag-offs and last-minute pleas, it was the hardworking doe-eyed Liz who got the boot - for being "nothing special", according to Lord Shugs. Hmm. Everybody in the house seemed absolutely shocked to see Stuart walk back through the door, as seemingly the failure of the task had been down to him. From over-pricing the tickets, losing the bid to work with the Tourist Centre and a slanging match in the street with a member of the competition, Baggs hardly showered himself in glory. And yet, by some quirk of fate (or Lord Sugar), here he was, free to fight another day. How could this be?

It's been clear from the start that Baggsy, with his ability to talk rubbish, massive ego and utter lack of any insight, would be a favourite of the Apprentice-Master himself... why? That old chestnut - he sees himself in him. Yawn. Surely that's not a GOOD thing?! Yes, OK, Baggs has chutzpah, he promises to make Lord Sugar millions AND he is not just a one-trick pony... in fact he claims to have a whole field of the damn things. But surely this isn't enough to keep him in above other, consistently performing and hard working contestants like Liz? Let's look at the evidence - Liz has, over the previous weeks, been an excellent salesperson, broken the boardroom record for sales, and is a grafter. She shows initiative and brain power, and even in this failed task outsold Baggs by almost 100%. What has Baggs actually achieved? Antagonising suppliers, physically chasing punters down a street, trying to steal customers from his competitors, bad-mouthing everyone, showing no humility or professionalism, and spouting utter garbage about how amazing he is - which nobody believes except, sadly, Lord Sugar.

What does this teach any of us about the state of the world? That consistently delivering doesn't reap rewards? That integrity and professionalism means nothing? That bigging yourself up to within an inch of your life actually fools some people? I thought that Lord Sugar was looking for the sort of person that could be trusted to work hard, think smart, show some respect and deliver the goods. My bad. What a shame that Lord Sugar seems to hold Stuart in such regard. For all his talk about what kind of person he is looking for, at the end of the day, if someone reminds him of himself no matter how bolshie, gobby or irritiating they may be (although come to think of it, that's what makes them like him), he'll pick them to stay in at the expense of someone who could actually be an asset. There's a few double standards creeping in here too - after telling Jo she was unprofessional for trying to renege on the Tourist Centre deal, and Chris for trying to force sales of his crisps whilst in Germany the other week, suddenly Baggsy's attempt to steal Synergy's customers is overlooked. This could be a simple case of vanity hiring - when a hiring manager chooses to employ someone in their own image. I would think that an employer needs to hire someone to complement their own skillset, not replicate it. Baggs has picked up on the importance of mirroring within an interview situation, almost to the point of mimickry. Unfortunately, Lord Sugar doesn't seem to have picked up the fact that Stuart is possibly beyond redemption, no matter how he talks the talk, and is one of the mouthiest and unlikeable contestants yet. I think this is a worrying role model and a bad example to set... what's it teaching those young people watching the show? That it's ok to be nasty to other people, perform poorly and fail at tasks, as long as you know how to press the hiring manager's buttons? Typical old Lord Sugar, always looking out for someone just like himself to bring into his business empire. If he ever found his doppelganger, however, he'd surely regret the day he hired them...

The Apprentice - Negotiation, negotiation, negotiation...

One of my favourite tasks of The Apprentice (who can forget Michael Sophocles and the kosher chicken fiasco of 2008?) - take a list of 10 items to find and then buy at the lowest price - was the offering of this week's episode. On the surface it sounds pretty simple, but, as we've learned from previous experience, it is a tragedy waiting to happen. Jamie, heading the boys' team, had one strategy and one strategy alone for winning this task - race around London, find the items and start by offering 30% of the asking price. Liz, managing the girls, had a more organised strategy - locate the items, plan each purchase and location, then work on the negotiation on arrival. With Jo going great guns from the beginning, and Jamie stumped on trying to find a tikka (the gold type, not the curry), it looked like the girls were off to a flying start, especially as they managed to find out what the Blue Book was long before the boys did.

Once the boys had found the items, though, they showed some remarkable negotiation skills. Jamie was extremely persuasive and wouldn't take no for an answer, whilst Chris - following his leader's mantra of "always have a story when negotiating" - came up with some inspired reasons for needing items at a good price. My favourite gem was his bargaining tool for the Blue Book, which was a convoluted lie regarding a desperate brother and his impending test for The Knowledge. Amazingly, he managed to get his discount, along with a few laughs for good measure. He lied again about a tartan loving Granny in order to get a discount on the fabric, and managed to snag a great bargain - extremely entertaining. Chris may even be the one to watch... The girls' organisational skills really paid off for them - by sourcing and ordering the kitchen worktop in advance, they saved the wasted time and effort that Jamie spent on trying to find it - and they managed to find all ten items, albeit returning slightly late and facing financial penalties. Unfortunately, Laura's miscalculations about the price of truffles (and trying to buy them from a restaurant) put the dampers on their chance of victory, and in the end it was Jamie's team (even with over £500 of penalties added on for failing to find two of the items), who walked away with the weekend in Paris.

So, what can we learn from this latest installment? Well, that it all came down to negotiation. The boys were far stronger at negotiating the best prices, regardless of their slapdash approach to resourcing the items. The girls' failure was, that although they researched the items well, they went out blind into the marketplace in terms of pricing and negotiation strategy. It was also commented on by Lord Sugar that they failed to adapt themselves to the situation and the seller - the corporate approach of deal making and handshaking doesn't suit a small independent store. Does careful planning aid negotiation? Not in this case, although it could in the right circumstances e.g. if the product and market has been identified and price checked. Negotiation is an extremely useful tool in the job market, as anyone who has had a job interview should know.

So, how should we negotiate a job offer? When do we talk salary? Well, we need to start by making sure we have used our skills as a chameleon to adapt to the environment - a skill which Liz and Stella were sadly lacking. Being able to adapt our social and communication skills to a situation is an incredibly important part of negotiation. It's not about pretending to be something we're not, just realising that different people respond to different things, and certain situations require certain handling and personality traits. The negotiation of a job offer is really important for both employer and employee, and sets the stage for a satisfactory working relationship. For the jobseeker, negotiating too hard can result in losing the opportunity, but not negotiating enough could lead to dissatisfaction if we accept a role where we feel we should and could be paid more for. If we are lucky enough to have other offers, these can be used as a starting point for salary negotiation of a new role, or alternatively as a stick to beat an existing employer with should the promotion or pay rise we feel we have earned is not forthcoming. As the boys learnt, spontaneity is also a good thing - playing by ear allows us to adapt a strategy in real time, rather than planning it all ahead and being too rigid. We also need to know our potential employer and the flexibility they may have in salary offerings - for example, a large company where salaries are set or banded for many employees are unlikely to be able to move much, whereas an SME can usually offer more flexibility in terms of benchmarking indivual salaries. What it all boils down to is, essentially, being able to use our negotiation skills in an effective and appropriate manner.

Why not take your inspiration from Chris? Just leave out the tall stories....